mmmmm....beeeeer

yeah, so i dont really like beer. but in a pinch it can soooo totally be acceptablea beer break.....would be much appreciated right now as wll....hey bartenderrrrrr! oh, and since i wont be typing much after the beer break...ocifer?, hic' cud you takes me drunk...im..'hic....home. burrrrrrrp! thank you and gud night!



song: the beer song

uhm...yeah

song: take this job and shove it

ima DORK

yeah i know... i have those inevitable senior moments from time to time... and i don't mean the days from high school. i mean the type of moments where you just want to slap yourself and then send yourself to your room just because you have no idea why you just did or said what you did. that being said, i will not elaborate... there's really no need to about my resent attempts at being stupid, all you need to know is that the task was accomplished well.


although, i did pass my first midterm with 100%.

remember kindergarten?

To be fair... Robert Fulghum wrote the book, and it is true, we learned a lot in kindergarten, all the basic fundamentals necessary for sustaining a balenced life... like, Share, Play fair, Don't hit people, Put things back where you found them, Clean up your own mess, Don't steal, Say you're sorry if you hurt someone,Wash your hands, Flush, Be artistic, Cookies are good for you, take naps, and when out in the world Look both ways, hold hands and stick together...
I am sure there are a lot more... but... something I forgot to learn until recently is, Don't slam your car door shut untill AFTER your hand is OUT OF THE WAY!


that hurts.

whats for dinner mom?????

THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Mean Kitty Song.

uh.... ok dad...whatever

So, yesterday and last night, being Fathers Day, mom and I left the T.V. remote in dads hands. I think the channel was stuck on the golf channel or something as we rarely saw anything but that throughout the day from the time they got home from church to the moment he shut it off to go to bed. Most of the time dad has a pretty good understanding of what is going on, regardless the game, even if he has slept through the majority of it. I will say though, he really threw mom and I off when during a commercial, he uttered these words..." I believe if I took Viagra, I'd have to have a Motorcycle."

TIMMMMBER!!!!!

so, kitteh has recovered from the bath, only to traumatise herself all in the name of luv. yes the incredibly agile yet slightly handicapped kitteh, was leaning as far forward as possible on a table ledge just to get a glimpse of her grandma (my mom). She absolutely loves my mother... what cat doesn't admire the ones least likely to love them? so, last night as we were all watching "so you think you can dance" (cat included)she tried her best to lean into moms direction for attention and as gravity would have it, she plummeted to the ground busting the myth that all cats land on all four. She is ok, pride aside and is yet again, tonight, sitting on that table ledge crying out to grandma to love on her.

neooooooooooo...

.... said the cat as she was placed into the tub for a much needed scrubbin.

yes, she now has a mad, and yes, that mad is me, and no, she isn't speaking to me for now, but she will get over it. she always does as soon as the nippy gets out of the bag.

herrrreee fishy fishy...

yesterday i was reminded just how much i miss being a kid. i gazed into the most gorgeous two toned blue, starburst eyes i think i have ever looked in. the eyes of my little red-headed groupie while we were riding a train at the zoo.
i learned "bamboo" is a funny word if you say enough times in a row, stuffed purple snakes are just as exciting as trains, drums, elephants and lazy monkeys and that gigantic fish behind a glass eventually do come right up to you if you say "here fishy fishy". of course you can also get even the toughest of critics to smile if you say "cheese pizza" at just the right time. if you play your cards right, there just might be a huge fountain to go play in on the hottest of days and on the grown up side, it doesnt hurt to end the day with two pinacoladas....

catty parents....

late night snacks are bad- mmkay?

Last night I fell asleep with Ally Sheedy, we lived out bits an pieces of our life similar to the movie High Art, but eventually she left me for her current husband, Lansbury. So I went on and married Johnny Depp. When she decided to divorce now said soon to be ex husband and came back to me she couldn't quite get the message to me since Johnny and I were on some cruise, singing Disney Broadway show tunes and hunting for some elusive black gem stone. I really need to quit eating the pickles, pizza and ice cream after midnight.

my cat was watching what??!

Greetings from the ol' folks home... I actually ventured out today and had conversation with someone my own age... it was a bit of culture shock but thoroughly enjoyed. Although, while I was out, my mother and father apparently had a day. The highlight of it seemed to be the failure of dad attempting to make dinner, since the bad child that I am, wasn't home on time. (I was stuck in a storm, in 5 o'clock traffic, behind three different accidents....) Dad apparently decided to warm something that was far past edible for the two of them to eat. He was lucky enough however , not to burn his fingers.
So, for the remainder of this evening mom has been filling me on on grocery shopping at the base 101 for tomorrows field trip. It ought to be fun to watch me an dad bumble our way though that tomorrow. I've also gotten filled in on every conversation and miscommunication that the two of them had while I was gone. ooooooo joyous. gotta love my folks though, they find the oddest things to quarl about. Today it was mom wanting to make it into the kitchen for a bite to eat. She wasn't going to be in there for long, but the usual routine is get up, shut off the soap opera in the living room and turn it on in the kitchen. mom has had a bit of a difficult time getting around the last couple days, but bless dad's heart, god forbid the routine is changed. She managed to get into the kitchen and get out what she needed for lunch when dad starts to holler to her asking why she left the t.v. on. Her answer was so humerous, it's no wonder dad wasn't sure of what he heard (aside from the obvious point that he's going deaf) dad was so puzzled this apparently got to be a heated discussion before it was over. Now, for all who know me, they know my mother claims to hate cats. She only tolerates the one living here because mystie's mine and she's 14 years old. other than that, we are not supposed to acknowledge that mom talks often to my cat, pets her, and makes sure she is comfortable and safe. Everyday mom fills me in on something I might have missed about mystie's day.
Now, the reason mom didn't turn off the t.v. , she felt it would be rude as she was only going to be in the kitchen for a couple minutes and mystie was contently watching "days of our lives."

beware of plastic wrap..

Mom hasn't been able to walk really well lately. somethings wrong with her hip or lower back again, so, I've been taking over when it comes to the daily "house chores". I have no problem with cleaning, dusting, sweeping, laundry, folding, ironing...etc all those little domestic Susie homemaker thingys. But anyone and everyone that knows me, knows I don't cook. not often enough to know what the heck I'm doing in a kitchen *safely* anyway.(unless its a fried egg sandwich on a bagel.) so... there I was making dinner...some kinda pasta,tomato, ham and cheese dish thing... I had some stuff in the microwave with plastic wrap over it, to prevent splattering,and of course, my attention was diverted by the bread in the toaster when I reached into the microwave to remove the plastic wrap...BAD IDEA. see, apparently steam accumulates under that handy barrier, and becomes a billowing ,burning,rush of pain when you lift it from the dish. my left fingers are not very happy with me right now. I mean, I just started to get feeling back in them and I try to burn them off! but, dad is being a sweetheart and doing the dishes tonight, and apparently the dinner was edible, so everything is o.k. in the end. but mental note to self...from now on, DON"T DO THAT AGAIN. (the burning plastic wrap thingy) I need a cookie with sprinkles... ;)

not fair...one ticket to lake michigan please

before i say anything else... i do love my parents...but, uhm...is there a law against sending subliminal messages to your kids while they sleep? not that I wouldn't do anything for the folks that they ask, but is it really necessary to use mind control techniques? apparently sometime early...way too early, this morning, my father stood in my doorway while i was finally sleeping, and flashed my light on and off a number of times while telling me he was going to mow the yard and i needed to get up and sweep and mop the house. now, i didn't hear any of this, but he has since told me that i agreed with an "ok". of course, when i did bound out of bed thinking my mom had fallen and needed help (due to her pounding on something )(rude awakening btw)i found her cheerfully doing the ironing. yes, i said cheerfully. i grumbled, showered, ate breakfast, prolly scratched a couple times, and went about pulling out this enormous system of a vacuum machine before i even realized what i was doing. when i paused and looked stumped, my mother questioned my expression, then giggled... yes, she giggled, and explained what had transpired this early morning. now, i went on to clean the house from top to bottom, including windows, just to be reminded of other chores that needed tinkering with along the way.
i'm finally done and on the computer when mom comes in to ask if i would stick out my tongue. hm. ok. so i oblige, and she promptly sticks out an envelope to me for me to seal it. i do so and she follows with a comment about "we are old, we don't want to die of rat poison" , am i missing something here? is rat poison now a new ingredient in glue? and why would they put it on envelopes?!?!?! stick me in a box and mail me to lake michigan...with no return address. please

the "drugstore" is closed

well, today mom came in and said..."turn over all of your pharmacy". i wasn't sure if she was looking for a fix or what?! truth be known, she had just decided that since i wasn't using any medications and didnt need them anymore, to get them out of my room. so...i cleaned out my closet and both drug drawers in my room. guess i wont get to manufacture and sell meth as a second income after all. oh. darn. how ever will i afford the mortgage now?

Ugh...don't tell me THAT dad!!!.....

ok, so in continuing the spirit of rendering aid to my parents...my dad was told by his doctor yesterday, to start taking vitamin B, since he didnt score too well on his glucose test. (he wasnt positive for diabetes though) So, this morning while i was cracking my eyelids open after 3 hrs of sleep and trying to get ready to go up to the college...mom came in and asked where my vitamin B was. i thought nothing of it and handed the bottle to her. In the kitchen dads studying the bottle with a magnifying glass and says..."she said B12...not complex" I said ok and took the bottle back and then began listening to a war over "its the same thing/ no it's not" between the couple. then dad looks to me and pleads for the "tie breaker" answer that will prove him right... I answered that the complex had both B6 and B12 in it. Mom says , Oh. and looks at me like i am an evil child out to destroy her. then with that look... she glared at dad and told him to go out and buy the one he needed. so he did.
when I got home from the school, dad came in shortly after and began studying his new bottle of B12, with the magnifying glass. He the asked for help as he couldn't see what he was looking for which were instructions.
I read them to him, instructing to take one tablet a day with a meal. then he said, well, i guess i will take it at dinner.
Mom said you know they will wind you up and give you energy...he said, so? i said you do want to sleep at night dont you...then he said , Why?
ok....point being, from there it was insinuated...that he wouldnt mind a little extra energy at night as he grinned and winked at mom! OMG! is there no end?!?!?
mom hid them in the pantry.

dad found them and took one after dinner.

is it bad when..?

ok, so my parents have like an easy 50 years on my age... i know, that sounds like a lot...but untill you know my folks....

anyhow, having been though a "gazillion" medical issues in my past, there isn't too much my parent can come up with that I don't have a remedy, answer or suggestion for, which is of course always followed with, "don't forget to check with one of your doctors first though..."
but i do have to ask at this point...is it bad when you can say you're actually like your parents drug dealer or personal pharmacy? haha, actually, im not kidding... for the last few days, anything my mom needed, all i had to do was go to my room and check my "stash", and sure enough, i had what she needed on hand...

maybe i should change my name....Dr. FeelGud...

A shroom for tea or a clean carpet....?

hmmmmmm...uhhhhm, gee, which shall I pick?... yea, no brainer! I'd love some tea time! however, no sooner than I finished my moral obligatory chores for the wonderful life sustaining couple that currently give me food, shelter, and clothing, I was rewarded with a trip down memory lane checking many,many,many OLD photos on several CD-RW's to see if the savvy couple had managed to save something... never found it... and then I got to play AC repair tech and got to inform them that the AC on the porch is probably a fewww *years* past due for some freon?? (might be helpful)and now I find out...(trumpets and fanfare...) tomorrow is (daaa, da da da) carpet shampooin day. *sigh* I-am-so-excited... I-just-can't-hide-it. I'm about to lose control and...ok- I'll stop.

anyway...don't know how long the "you-must-sit-here-smiling-while-I-instruct-you" class will be tomorrow, and then how long it will take for the 15+yr old fibers to dry... but should I manage to somehow escape this air-tight bubble, to put fuel in my vehicle and squeegee the dead luv-bug carcasses off the front "before the paint dissolves", I might just skimmy to another side of town for tea. SO, put the water to a boil, make sure your phone works and get all cleaning supplies and chemicals outta my sight...and reach...

anyone know how to the bleach smell outta nose-hairs? (no, the coffee sniff test didn't work)

A muppet with a purple crayon!

ok...kickstand....a device used to prop or rest on....for example, a bike can rest it's "spinning wheels" and lean on the "kickstand". I often like to rest my spinning wheels, and wish Icould just whip that proverbial "kickstand" out like a third leg and just lean.... just, stop, whip it out and , pause....for effect. maybe even pose, like a model.

Oh doctor!... or as my groupie calls it, docker. (yes, I have been told I have a "groupie". Ido hope to put her in charge of my fan club when she's old enough to write)I love her ideas on how to fix things....her mother tells me she thinks anything can be fixed with sprinkles or a cookie... I used to think that way, so she's a groupie after my own heart. and hey, if I can get a cookie...with sprinkles!...that's better than a "docker bill" any day. But as I was saying, my doctor, is a really down-to-earth guy. some may call him a quack, but I personally have no complaints. my groupie's mother thinks his diploma was signed in purple crayon...but even she HAS to admit...I've gotten soooo much better lately....hell, I'm not even psycho anymore. (actually...I never really was, the meds made me do it. I swear)

he's given me all kinds of advice and ways I can basically turn my life around and not have to be on all the mind altering (brain stopping)medication I was previously on and live a better, healthier life...which seems better than the path I was on. some of his ideas are really out there, leading some people to ask if he's a Muppet or something...haha. nooooooo, he's just educated in other ( or natural) treatments and not so crazy to jump on the "mass diagnoses train" like so many other doctors have been. which is a breath of fresh air to me. is anyone else SICK of being SICK? hello? I mean, think about it, if some of those doctors actually did something to heal us before they broke our banks, then, technically, they'd run out of patients. but if they let us continue to stay a little sick, then we have to keep coming back to them....right? its all a conspira-tree i tell ya. between the docs that all have to specialize in one little thing here or there and no one knowing a LOT about everything all together as a whole, and the drug companies with their synthetic "miracle cures" (that have side effects leading you to need another miracle to fix...and so on....)you get my point? its like a forest of redwoods out there, I'm no taller than a shroom myself, and I ain't a fan of the bugs either.

so, we were talking last night and she said I ought to start a blog and use it as my "Virtual kickstand" especially since I ramble in my head all night anyway, so I figured, WTF, why not. so here I am, leaning against my kickstand and talking about the Muppet with the doctors degree signed in purple crayon who , incidentally, has made a huge difference in my life, long live the little guy! (besides, I always hear "laughter is the best medicine, and the Muppets always made me laugh)

Just a thought...if "ain't" isn't a word, why is it in the spell check?